Before I process this, I have to say that I was blessed early with a wonderful and loving family, who raised me with unconditional love and who always wanted the best for me. Here though comes the issue. Who knows what is best for me , more than me?
When I made a decision to adopt my first son 2 years ago when he was 12, I was surprised at how isolated I became. It was the most solitary, loneliest time of my entire life. Now keep in mind I was not a person who said ” I will adopt one day” but I was a social worker in the field who had helped endless children and families connect and live healthy lives. When the reality that I was going to live the life of the parents I had always admired came no one around seemed to truly “get it”. Not my friends, not my professional work colleagues and especially not my family.
Because my decision was so internal and deeply spiritual I never wavered. For the first time in my life I was not caught up in pleasing others but also confused about how the people who had spent their lives loving me so unconditionally just did not understand my choices. I was worried that their feelings would affect my biological daughters who were a big part of my decision, and as I watched them adjust to their new brother I just prayed that my family would move on and become more accepting. I questioned , ‘How they could NOT understand what I knew? That this child was mine to love and help and through this our lives would be even more fulfilled”
As the struggles came My children and I worked hard to make it through to brighter times. True to fact times got better. My son attached and we became a stronger family.We all learned and grew, and my parenting skills became stronger with each tribulation.I learned to love myself more because I stopped doubting my abilities and sought to be a creative, flexible and attached parent.I am so grateful for these changes and believe that adopting my son was never about us “saving him” but about him truly saving us.
Fast forward 2 years and another foster child ,a young man age 16 has come into our lives.Where we were his support a few years back, he has now asked me to adopt him, and in my heart , with the support and urging of my kids I am completing the adoption process. I love him endlessly. Again I experienced complete peace in knowing this is what God has planned in my life. I certainly did not go out and look for it, but without question this is our path.
At this time in our lives, my dad has passed and we all continue to grieve.My mother is heartbroken and struggles everyday to find the purpose in her life again.I wish he was here everyday and I still feel his love for me when I talk to him late at night in my heart. Several weeks back, I could wait no longer and told her about my decision to adopt again. It went worse than I could ever imagine. Its been 5 weeks and we are just now speaking about generalities and nothing specific. Its such a loss for me.I try to respect her space and feelings but I miss her so much. I have not told my brother who never accepted my last adoption. His response to me then was to sign an email to me ” the responsible one”. I never stopped loving him but that day he forever fell off the pedestal I always had him on.
I question… How do you help them understand these are choices I made with deep thought and spiritual conviction?These children were put on my heart and I could not walk away. In prayer I dont waiver , I just know.
The choice of adoption has made our lives better, fuller and richer.I feel happiness in my soul everyday as I look for the small blessings right in front of me. I see my daughters as they struggle with their own challenges, become better human beings, more compassionate and selfless.I am so proud of them.
Adoption was never a difficult choice for me, but this journey is solitary and a true walk in faith. Its never easy, and is definitely the bumpier road but my peace is intact and full.
I just wish my family knew…