I was recently asked in an interview, “What do you worry about most for your children? “. I thought… ” Well geez, I worry about everything! ” . Having been put on the spot though I had to identify my biggest fear and I was struggling. I know as parents we worry everyday. The crazy part is one worry leads to another … and another. The result is One BIG, streaming , jumbled up mess…
Will they make friends in school? Will they even go to school today? Will I get a call from school if they do? Did they do their work? Are they picking the right friends? Will they melt down this afternoon? Will they come home from school? Did they get homework? Will they lie to me about having homework? and the list goes on …. and on for each child.
But in simplifying it and then taking each child separately I had to really examine what I worry about MOST for their lives. Keep in mind I was asked this question on video and in front of my boys. All eyes were on me and my brain searched. For my youngest son , who has come so very far, I know he struggles to feel deeply. Not that he is not loving to me, because we are attached and connected with a bond that keeps growing . So very proud of him because ” they system” labeled him as RAD or Reactive Attachment Disorder, and told me very factually he would be unable to ever connect emotionally to anyone. Well…He showed them differently! That does not mean he does not struggle with feeling deep connections, because he does. What I know is that he is aware and sad sometimes in his struggle to feel deeper emotions, and this awareness makes him fight to have what all of us take for granted. In doing this he has built strong ties and is connected at different levels to his siblings, his girl friend and to his friends he has made. My biggest worry for him is that he will disappoint himself in life and not have deep connections and feelings in his relationships as he matures.He wants to be married on day and have children.I believe he will overcome what his past trauma has dealt him, but I worry … and I pray.
For my oldest son, I worry about him finding his way and making everyday life decisions. 17 years in foster care does not prepare you be an adult in any way. As he reaches back to claim his missed childhood , the clock is ticking and as we all know time does not wait . So, as he steps up for his part time job, and my heart soars every time I see him in his work uniform and I know when he comes home he will be my little boy again, chasing his brother through the house and being silly. I worry that the world is pushing him too fast, as he needs to go back and grabbed what he missed. I pray that I have the patience to understand this because it’s hard sometimes to watch your 6 foot, 1 inch tall son banter with you like he is six. I want for him the world… for him to find HIS way, and not the way he thinks others want him to go. Now 18 years old, he has another year of school to get his diploma, and I realize our time is short so I worry.
Because the interview was about my sons, I will not begin to get into my worries for my 2 daughters but trust me, they are as sincere and thought out and as big as my worries for my sons. I realize as a parent you worry about ALL your children, Biological or Adopted. The worries are different and unique as is each child. In this journey we have chosen I have learned that worry is part of the game. How we let it impact our lives is what matters.
I personally compartmentalize my worries though by each child , and then by what is most pressing each day. I refuse to let it take over my life, even though it is always like a river , running though my psyche. I have learned to Let Go… to trust in myself and my faith. Through life’s tribulations I can handle anything that is thrown at me, because I am stronger each day.And because we are parents… it just what we do.Back to Blog Archive