I have always been known for finding the bright side… or being strength based in my professional world. So when I sit down tonight and look back at the last 4 years I acknowledge there were hard times but dancing in front of me tonight is the bouncing affirmation of ” A LIGHT… I SEE A LIGHT! ”
When you are in the dark tunnel of blending your family in adoption there are nights that you think and believe… “I just cannot go on…” and ” Nothing is working right”. Then you lie your head on the pillow and cry , until you are too exhausted to think anymore. Only to wake up and start all over again.
However tonight as I sit in my chair and my boys are in their rooms for the night ( Yes! Miracles Happen! ) I am able to reflect on how good they are doing compared to when they first moved in. Our communications, although struggling at times, like a typical teen-parent scenario are usually open and honest. In fact sometimes too honest! Now there are some advantages to being their social worker for years, their friend and their parent all rolled into one, but truth be known, I DO NOT want to know the size of their “manhood”. TMI… even for me! ( Or is that a boy thing??? )
Deep in my heart I have always believed in them and their capacity to overcome what would kill most people. Through the rants, thrown items and multiple doors ( yes, we have been through a few) I have never stopped believing. I feel this is what parenting is ALL about… believing in your children, no matter what.
Last week, after a small explosion, I sat with my youngest as he cried…. I mean REALLY cried. Now I have only seen him cry 2 other times so I knew this was big and it was. He explained when he was done crying that was sorry for being so angry and snappy at me all week but his epiphany was that it was not about me at all. For this he felt bad…wow! He really felt bad.
We discussed his anxiety about school and college, and him becoming the adult he desperately thinks he should be. It was one of those conversations you never forget. His insight about himself and his feelings took me by storm. I was overwhelmed with love, pride and such happiness because I knew he was becoming the man I have dreamed he could be.
So looking back at our darkest moments I fully BELIEVE there truly is a light in that tunnel. You just have to move through it together, securely and know that with time you will see it. I PROMISE.Back to Blog Archive